By: Jowena Qwabe

In light of the #MenAreTrash movement where we called out our male counter parts to speak on the stench that is domestic abuse and violence, I cannot help but think about the hand us -as women- have played in our own demise.

My current girlfriend said something to me once, (in passing) she asked “If someone cheats on you 7 times, what moves you to the belief that they will change? (Seeing the same could be said about domestic abuse)”.

Funny really, obviously not funny “haha” but funny irony because I knew inside myself that if she were to cheat on me I would forgive her. I would forgive her the way we forgive children and our parents after a scolding or a thrashing… we forgive them in the knowing better.

We say “one more chance”. We whisper it into our bones till our ribcages open up and our lungs become the Messiah, ready to die just once to save the greater good. The greater good mind you, being the faded memories of butterflies we once kept inside our bellies to remind us that sometimes magic, is somebody to kiss you the way your mother never could.

We are all guilty of this really. Guilty of measuring evils against greater evils so that we can trade off pieces of our sanity’s because love has never been about knowing any better but about forgiveness right?

Honestly, how many times have we allowed a lover to crush a belief in us, only to call it compromise because no relationship has ever worked without it? You know, the death of a dream or any part of your spirit is just as bad as death of the flesh.

So we ought to ask ourselves… Is there a greater evil or is allowing someone to cheat on you just as bad as staying with someone who beats you?

The question now lies in ourselves, are we any less to blame for continuing to stay in relationships that are toxic, this article is as I mentioned aimed at mirroring “the hand we have played in our own demise.”