By Sassie Bubbles
Masculine-presenting (lesbian) women not being able to let their exes go, goes a lot deeper than the surface, but I don’t think we’re ready to talk about it yet.
This is entirely based on my personal experience mixed in with a little educational research. Growing up, we all knew how it was to be in the closet, so often it was harder for us (masc. women) to hide our sexuality. Often our family could see it and forced us to suppress it. For me, it was being forced into girly clothes and other negativity rooted in homophobia. My home was not a safe space, so I created safe havens out of romantic partners. Instead of learning self-soothing skills, I started my long battle with co-dependency. Imagine feeling ostracized by EVERYONE, then you find someone who is also low-key gay and probably feels like an angel on earth compared to everything else: a pretty distraction and the perfect coping mechanism. Fast forward to adulthood – you’ve never gone for therapy and now you’re living with your partner and you finally know what real love is, finally someone accepts you for YOU. You let her be a woman that’s deeply intuitive, compassionate and above all else, MOTHERLY. What we wanted all that time was parental acceptance. Little did you know that you just exposed another trauma cycle and now you look like a child because the wounds you never healed from keep coming back to bite you in the behind.
When you least expected it, your one-in-all breaks up with you. Losing a woman that loved you the way you wish your mother would have, feels like losing that love twice. It is some of the deepest pain I’ve known. I’ve hurt a couple women by not recognizing harmful patterns because I refused to self-analyze. Don’t make that same mistake. It’s okay to be alone. I promise. Accept yourself. You are beautiful.