A Wedding is an Event. Marriage is a lifetime. Invest more in your marriage than a wedding and success is inevitable. Together is a beautiful place to be…
I am Hlengiwe Sphumelele Masikane-Mchunu. Born on the 15th of September 1991 that makes me 29 years of age. My nick name is Stana. I live in Smero which is in Edendale, Pietermaritzburg and I am a Stylist at Levi’s Strauss. I am the last born child and only daughter to both my parents. My father passed on when I was 21 years old. My mother is still alive and I have 2 older brothers. I do not have a child.
I am Nqobile Mchunu-Masikane . Born on the 5th of October 1989 that makes me 31 years of age. I live in Pietermaritzburg Central Town and I am a teacher by profession. I lost both my parents at a very young age, my father died when I was 3 and my mother died when I was 11. I am a second born to my parents who had 3 children together before my father passed on, he also had 2 other children from other relationships whom we later found out about. My mother had 3 more children before she passed on. My mother had 3 boys and 3 girls. I have one child, a 10 year old boy, his name is Ntokozo.
Hlengiwe Masikane and Nqobile Mchunu. We decided to double barrel in terms of last names.
I met Sphumelele by chance one day late in the year 2017 when I went to Pick n Pay, where she worked at the time, I realised I was hungry and walked over to the bakery anticipating to buy a pie. I was reluctant due to the emotional abuse I had received from my previous relationship regarding my weight, but she managed to convince me buy the pie. Her words were ” Don’t let body image bullies bully you and make millions out of you. ” A couple of months prior to that day, I had just broken up with my fiancé whom I had been with for 9 years. There was a lot of abuse, physical and emotional so I decided I had enough and we broke up. The scars were still there and so hearing someone say something nice to me about not allowing people to control me, was like a breath of fresh air. I walked around the counter and gave her a kiss on the cheek. After that day, I tried going to her work place again to see her but she was off so I just stopped going. About 2 weeks later on the 12th of December, a friend of mine who had been with me during our first encounter called me in the morning telling me that she just saw Sphume at work. So I got up from bed, got ready and went looking for her. I got there and the minute we saw each other, we smiled at each other, so I realized she remembered me.
She took her lunch break and we spoke for over 2 hours. Later on that day I called her to find out if she wanted to come by my place for a drink and she said if she can get a taxi she will. About 30 minutes later, she called back, she couldn’t get a taxi so I offered to pick her up if she gave me directions to her house. She did and I fetched her and we spent the night together. Ever since that day we have never spent more than a day apart.
Q.Getting married was probably the biggest step you have taken in this relationship
where did the courage come from?
A. One day Sphumelele came up to me and just said she would like to send a delegation (oMalume bakhe) to my house. I thought she was joking but she really meant it. Then Lockdown happened and the idea faded. Later on in the year we decided that we are not going to let Covid stop us so we proceeded with the idea of getting married.
Q. I am sure it was time consuming planning your wedding, did you hire a wedding
A. No. We did the planning together with the help of family and friends.
Q. What are the most important things one need to consider before signing. (home
A.The type of marriage that you are both entering into, finances and assets as well as a discussion of last names.
Q. Who is your favorite lesbian couple and Why?A.Sphumelele and Nqobile. We feed off each other’s energy and it’s usually positive energy. We also draw strength from each other and hope that we inspire other couples out there.
Q.Who selected songs to be played on your wedding day?
A.We let the DJ use his discretion according to the type of music that we both wanted.
Q.Did you do traditional wedding? kindly share all the details
A. Yes we did. Her uncles arrived in the morning to negotiate iLobolo. As soon as that part was done we had a ceremony with the priest and then afterwards had Umembeso (exchanging of gifts) for both families. A goat was slaughtered to welcome Sphumelele, she received inyongo and isphandla to introduce her to the ancestors.
The next day my family then slaughtered another goat to inform my ancestors that I (Nqobile), would be joining another family as a bride. They then accompanied me to Sphumelele’s home where upon arrival I was recieved with another goat which was slaughtered to welcome me into the family. They burned impepho and smeared inyongo on my head and parts of my body and I was given isphandla to wear. I had then been officially welcomed into the Masikane family.
Q.What is your ideal family set up? Or is it existing already? Tell us more about it.
A.We are raising Ntokozo together but also we’d love to have one of our own together in the future.
Q.Where did you go for honey money and how was it?
A.We haven’t gone on a honeymoon because we want to save up for a big honeymoon.
Q.Who was your marriage officer?
A. Pastor Sthembiso Zwane officiated our wedding ceremony. A really pleasant ceremony it was.
Q. Please finish the sentence individually. According to you Love is….
S. Sphume – Love is waking up in the morning and seeing your partner at her purest form.
Nqobile – Love is a beautiful feeling when shared with the right person.
Q. Please finish the sentence Individually. Getting married to my partner ….
A. Sphumelele – Getting married to my partner is the best gift I’ve received from God and my ancestors.
Nqobile – Getting married to my partner is one of the biggest blessings I’ve received from God.
Q.What can you say to parents, who find it difficult to accept? and to the couple who
want to get married and there is no support from the family?
A. To parents, we bring children into this world to allow them to be the best version of themselves therefore support and acceptance is the best gift you can ever give them apart from the gift of bringing them into this world.
To the couples, live your truth and do what makes you happy because at the end of it all the only person who can account for your happiness is yourself.
Q. Did you have any Lobola negotiations prior? How it happened?
A. Yes we did, very early on the morning of the wedding Sphumelele’s uncles arrived and were received by my uncles at the gate. They spent an hour or 2 negotiating before the actual wedding ceremony started.
Q.What is your take on same sex LOBOLA negotiations?
A.Each couple has a right to do what is best suited to them, whether they go through the process of lobola negotiations or whether they choose not to, it’s entirely up to them and what they decide to do together.