THE NCUBEs LIFE JOURNEY.
UNIQ MAG SA’s special moment, close and personal with the Amazing Couple Buyiswa & Nomkhosi Ncube. Being in a relationship isn’t about kissing, dates,or the showing off. It’s about being with someone who makes you happy in a way that no one else can. We discovered that this couple respect and admire each other. This is an un edited version of their story about their Life Journey. Its Pride month we educate, we entertain and give information. Homosexuality is not a contraceptive. Gays fall pregnant too.
I am Nomkhosi Samukelisiwe Ncube born on the 22ndof May, 32 years of age residing at Inanda uMzinyathi area, working at Durban Metropolitan Police Service as Police Official (Senior Constable) for 12 years now. I am surviving with both parents and two sisters I am the eldest, we are three siblings in total. I do not have a child.
I am Agrineth Buyiswa Ncube, maiden surname is Ngidi born on the 06thof September, 37 years of
age residing at Inanda uMzinyathi area, working at South African Police Service as Police Official (Sergeant) for 14 years now. I am surviving with one parent, my mother and four siblings I am the third, we are five siblings in total. I have a 14 years old daughter, ZIyanda
Our journey started 7 years ago, on the 06thof September 2012(Buyiswa’s birthday), after meeting at a friend’s place(Nonkululeko Mtshali) at Inanda Newton “C” on the 30THof April 2012. ( Nomkhosi: I had to harass my friend Nkule asking for Buyiswa’s number of which it was not easy for her to give it to me since we were both in a relationship by then, but eventually she gave it to me, after consulting with Buyiswa …. hahahahahahaha ). The way we were into each other we decided to move in together the same year in October. The same friend managed to pull some strings and helped us to find a house to rent at Inanda Newton “A”. Then in 2015 we bought a plot at uMzinyathi area and built our own home, where we are currently staying. (both sharing)
After we bought a plot we came into an agreement of getting married,” Nomkhosi proposed of cause said Buyiswa, laughs”. We had so many plans for our lives’ future and we wanted to secure all we have accumulated since day one we met and also our love journey. Our marriage story is a bit different since there were NO lobola negotiations nor ceremonies performed due to the fact that our parents had to come into terms that we wanted to take our relationship further because of our sexuality, you know how it’s like with us black community it’s sometimes not easy for parents to give blessings just like that and we respected that and gave them time to come into terms with our wishes. So in 2017 we decided to speak to our parents separately of course, asking for their blessings to go get married through Home Affairs Offices because we did not want to do it behind their backs, that’s rude and disrespectful hey, they agreed and we asked them to also review the fact that we wished to do things according to our culture in near future shame they agreed and they were so grateful we did not do our own thing without them knowing. So we cannot say much about lobola negotiations until we cross that bridge. (both sharing)
That is why our marriage story is different to most but still unique. We then got married on the 26thof June 2017 and Buyiswa as partner B was so keen to change her maiden surname “Nomkhosi laughs”. We had no celebration nor honeymoon because we were still finishing up our home and wanted to move in ASAP. All of this happened while we were still renting. We then moved to our brand new home in same year December the 30th. It was not easy but hey through our Almighty we managed and pulled through. We both strongly believe in prayer.(both sharing)
Favourite lesbian couple is US yes it’s US because when we look back we are thanking God for always giving us strength of achieving all we have built together since day one. The only pressure we want in our relationship is to beat our own goals and make them better each and every day.
During our journey we have always considered to have a child of our own as a couple. We were inspired by the lesbian couple we were close too 5years ago, The Masuku’s (Gugu and Zodwa) from Cleremont township, they had and still have a beautiful baby boy whom was conceived through sperm insemination process. That is when we decided to take a chance and go for it. They then referred us to their Gynaecologist, Dr Sanka at Parklands in 2015/2016 we can’t recall exactly the year we started because it’s been sooo long. That is when our baby story begun. To tell you the truth it was not easy because first time attempt did not work out with DR Sanka. We had to change to DR Naidoo his partner, but still it did not work out again. “Buyiswa had to take different fertility drugs prescribed but still nothing happened, she will only get sick and weak”, said Nomkhosi in deep thoughts. Both Doctors will take about three to six months to monitor her menstruation cycle before the actual insemination of sperm. It was so draining and depressing for the both of us. We decided to let it go because we were tied of disappointments and it did not come free.
We then decided to try again last year, 2019, with Dr Sigcu whom we were not referred by anybody. The nightmare began when Dr Sigcu had to perform a procedure called HYSTEROSALPINGOGRAPHY, checking any blockages in my Fallopian tubes through ultrasound whilst inserting a catheter with fluid that is released to run through the tube. That is when they discovered that my right tube was blocked and had to be unblocked, mind you for previous Doctors there were no thorough check-ups done only peps mere and normal ultra sound checks were done, said Buyiswa.
The way it escalated after the HYSTEROSALPINGOGRAPHY she was in and out of hospital because she had complications and suffered from unbearable and severe abdominal pains, Dr Sigcu had to take her back to an ultra sound again and finally the problem was found. She had fibroid ‘s which she insisted they must be removed ASAPS because they were going to develop cancer in future. It came as a shock to us and we prayed about it and agreed for surgery to be done. It was done around August and it went very well and she was healed in the name of Jesus. And we were supposed to continue with the process but we decide to quit and forget about having a baby, said Nomkhosi.
“Buyiswa was not happy about quitting after a month she approached me again and asked if we could try again for last time, it was hard for me to disappoint her and agreed with her.” said Nomkhosi. We then went back to Dr Naidoo and started the process all over again. Then in November 29 the insemination was done.
ARTIFICIAL SPERM INSEMINATION is a reasonable and affordable process and 50/50 guaranteed. We cannot exactly say the total amount spent because he was charging through medical aid for consultations. The figure we are sure of is the one we used to buy a SPERM at sperm bank from Durdoc Hospital, because it is only in a cash form. We spent roughly around +-R28000 including the very first attempts, remember for the SPERM only. It had to be brought to doctor’s rooms, by us, on a same day of ovulation so the process can be done. Doctor is normally not involved in the negotiations between us and sperm bank. Ovulation process is normally 24hrs so it has to be done during this 24hrs. Sperm is inserted using a catheter, the painful part is when the insert the specular to clearly see the mouth of the womb. There after you lie for 20-30 minutes and then you are free to leave after and wait for a month for results. Doctors does not approve of performing a home pregnancy test, we had to consult for ultra sound so that they can check if the process was successful. “Little did we know that it was successful this time, I got very sick in the early mornings of the 05thof January this year, we ended up rushing to the hospital boom I was tested positive, I AM PREGNAT. My wife was so happy and I heard her saying baby WE ARE FINALLY PREGNANT” said Buyiswa. Because it was Sunday we couldn’t consult with our DR then we went the following day and the ultra sound confirmed the pregnancy. That is when our pregnancy journey started we are expecting our baby’s arrival in August.
Since the baby journey started we did not aside Ziyanda. She was involved but due to disappointments we ended up not telling when we decide to try again because she would be so broken if it was not successful we only broke the news after the ultra sound visit. She was so happy and she cannot not wait for the baby to be born neither us as well.
According to me “love is beautiful and it conquers everything, even when you feel so messy or blessed but love is always there and it’s exists. And getting married to my partner was not a mistake and also it was not for status, I just fell in love and felt she was the perfect piece for my life puzzle. I love my wife unconditionally”, said Buyiswa.
According to me “love is amazing and it is perfect when you are with someone who is right for you, someone who loves you for who you are no matter what. And getting married to my partner was everything I wished for. I never thought I would found a person I can easily love and be myself around her. By her sacrifices since day one we met till now, I am always grateful for having her as a wife too”, said Nomkhosi.
We should always bear in mind that our parents are a bit of an old fashion life since in their days there was not much exposure to LGBTQ community so we cannot expect them to accept us fully apart from that they have high expectations and do not believe in same sex relationships. We should always give our parents time to adjust and respect no matter what after all they are our parents. It’s very difficult to not being supported by your family we cannot say much because every family have their rules and believes. Couples out there should stand by each other no matter what it worked for us we believe that is why we ended up finding it easy to move to the huge and beautiful step MARRIAGE.
WE WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO THANK OUR FAMILIES FOR LOVE AND SUPPORT WE RECEIVE EVERYDAY. NOT FORGETING OUR FRIENDS WHO WERE WITH US SINCE DAY ONE AND THE ONES WE MET ALONG OUR LIFE JOURNERY. HOPING BY GRACE AND MERCY WE WILL GO GREY TOGETHER, GOD BLESS YOU ALL.
Thank you UNIQ MAGAZINE for giving us a chance to share our beautiful love journery hope it will change the mind-set of many in a beautiful way. After all, LOVE, it’s all that matters
WITH LOVE BUIKHOSSY
PICS CRED: All pics sent by the couple.