My Child is gay: Ndabezinhle Myeza

For some parents the thoughts of raising a gay child make them contemplate suicide. If you just found out your child is gay or lesbian you are probably thinking that such ideas are preposterous, right? Well, based on my counselling and experience with parents just like you, there are so many positives things you can do.

Very few parents can handle this disclosure if there are any .Parents are completely devastated. They scream, rant, and cry. They feel like they are bleeding deep inside, and there is no way to stop the gaping wound in their soul.

Whether the confession comes from a son or daughter, spouse or close friend, the admission of homosexuality hits like a bombshell, especially in Christian homes. Grief is the most common emotional reaction; and it is often overwhelming and crippling. The deeper the bond between you and your loved one, the deeper your hurt upon discovering his or her homosexuality.

IMG_1295 IMG_1334Guilt is also a huge issue, especially for parents. They feel like total failures in one of their most important God-given roles. While parents are not to blame for their child’s homosexual struggle, it is also important for parents to understand their son’s or daughter’s homosexual feelings can arise from childhood pain, and sometimes parents have inadvertently contributed to that pain. It does not bring resolution to pretend that a parent did everything perfectly with his or her child. At the same time, all parents are imperfect; all parents cause pain in their children’s lives.

Parents are not responsible for what they cannot control. Let me say this to dads. Some sons can remember specific incidents of rejection or perceived rejection that cause them pain to this day. By going to your son, you avail the opportunity for him to release that pain, so it is no longer is hidden.

Parents need to understand that it is the child’s perception of the event—not necessarily the event itself—that shapes his or her pain. Most of a parent’s words and actions were unintentional; a mother or father did not realize how they were impacting their child’s life.