Menziwa Couple In Conversation with Donsy Kunene
In celebration of since same sex marriages was legalised Donsy Kunene got a chance to a heart to heart chat with a very interesting and inspirational couple of all times who famously known as “Gogo noMkhulu”. Many ask where
over forty lesbians go to. Do they hide themselves or they decide to be single and invisible. Gogo and Mkhulu are keeping it burning even after 10 years and at the age
How you met with Gogo?
She was working at the drop-in centre close to my home. I used to watch coming in and going of her workplace. I knew from then that she is the one. First day I saw her I was with my friend so I could not get a chance to speak to her then I kept on feeding my eyes. I couldn’t resist any longer so the following day I pretended to be sick and I asked from her Superior to see her. When we were both locked in, I then poured my heart to her. She didn’t take me seriously, she was actually angry at me.
How long did it take her to accept your proposal?
Oh well, for me it took too long because it was only on the third day when she soften her heart and told me she will think about it. On the fourth day, as a charmer that I am, I asked to visit her by her place she again refused until I decided to forcefully visit her the following week. When the night comes she asked me to leave I then refused and decided to sleep over. From there we became one flesh.
When did you realise that you are a Lesbian?
I think since I was young I just knew I am different I have feelings for other women. My family never discussed my sexuality in any state of affairs but I could tell that they see who I am and accept it. In my family it was only my sister I was open to about my sexuality. Neighbours were always noisy towards my sexuality to such an extent that my sister advised me to get myself a man to so that neighbours cannot find anything to gossip about. During that sad period of my life I had several relationships with men that
meant nothing to me.
How were you feeling during that period – men relationships?
It was the worse period of my life. I felt so disgusted by the whole arrangement, I was always wretched and miserable because I could not live my life the way I want. The situation forced me to do what people want out of me regardless of what I want. I do not even want to think of those times. I use to fight every time with men I was in a fake relationship with. Actually I was not fighting with them but the situation. I had to leave the area I grew up at just to live my life without being judged by the community.
Any challenges within your relationship?
I would be lying, we are always on top of the moon with my partner, we never had a fight or anything suggesting otherwise. I know it is very rare in a normal relationship not to fight but I think God has prepared her for me after my miseries. The only challenge we have is that her son does not hide that he hates the sight of me and the relationship with his mother, I have learnt to live with that. The good thing is that he does come visit her mother often. I also have three children from previous relationships but my two daughters also does not want to hear anything about me, she has not accepted that I have other woman as my life partner, it is my son who has accepted me as I am.
How did you feel when same sex marriage legalised?
I have been in a same sex relationship for a long time but I never thought there will be time where my country would allow same sex marriage. I was pleased to hear that now we are free to be legally together. The fact that this happened when I was still alive because I am old now.
Stop cheating focus in one person, when you have more than one partner at a time. I use to have several partners and did not bother
Did you sit down and decide on “roles” in your relationship?
Smiling Mkhulu replied “It was obvious there was no need for us to decide on roles. She knew she is a wife and I am a husband. We both do house chores, I do washing she does cooking not because I do not want to cook but because I am a bad cook.
Tell us about your first meeting with Mkhulu
I am a health community worker thus I attended many workshops where we were taught about sexuality, it is then I learnt a lot about Lesbians. We were taught how to handle them in situations of “rape crimes”.
She came to the center pretending to seek for help, first thing she said is that she is pleased to meet a counsellor of my age because they are not comfortable around young counsellors. She then started explaining herself saying she is a lesbian. She was under the impression that I will be shocked and reject her, at her surprise I just stared at her not amazed by what she just told me. She then asked for my number, I told her she can call me regarding her health only not any other thing. That afternoon when I was out of work she called me and I was furious and she was hurt. I told her she must never call me after hours. She apologised profusely but did not promise to stop calling.
How did Mkhulu propose?
Regardless of my furiousness over her calls, she rang me again asking to come over and tell her story, I said no. From there she stopped calling and felt bad and worried then I thought maybe I came too hard on her. That I developed I started missing her calls, I felt differently about her. When I was about to loose hope on receiving her calls, she then called, she expressed her feelings about me, she told me she loves me.
I pretended to be mad at her, I told her to go away I am tired of being in relationships and she must never come to my place. I asked her what people will say, they will asked what type of a man is coming by my house. When she call again she asked to come over and this time I made sure I do not say No. She came we had lengthy discussion around the issue of her having feelings for me, it was getting darker and she asked to leave and I said she can’t leave it is late and no longer safe. She insisted on leaving, I insisted on her staying.